Certified Idiot Vs Stardew Valley | Year 1

Certified Idiot Vs Stardew Valley | Year 1

stardew Valley i’ve heard so much about this game and how like good it makes you feel hey I want to feel good so today I finally decided to download and install it and play it for the first time ever so kick back Patty Whack grab a snack of and Jack and enjoy this hourong edit of my first in-game year oh look they’ve got a [ __ ] on the D probably the best letter they could have put the [ __ ] on or in inside the V that would have gone hard as well no pun intended okay my recording went black but so far we’ve got my name is Cipho my farm name is Scy Farm okay I guess we’re gonna go with this and for my very special grandson is he dying i want you to have this sealed envelope okay Grandpa what’s in it no no no don’t open it yet have patience damn it now listen close closer closer [Music] there will come a day when you feel crushed by the burden of modern life grandpa when that happens my boy you’ll be ready for this gift now go go i’ve already shot myself twice today xx years later what is XX thought that was like point oh god I hate my life is that Woody wait why do I look this way wet i forgot about that note Grandpa gave me i always kept it handy in case i think it’s time we find out what’s inside dear Cipho if you’re reading this you must be in dire need of change the same thing happened to me long ago i’d lost sight of what mattered most in life real connections with other people in nature so that’s why I had you install a video game named Stardew Valley so I dropped everything and moved to the place I truly belong my pride and joy sci Farm my farm’s name is Sci Farm it’s located in Stardew Valley on the southern coast hold on son this was my most precious gift of all good luck love Grandpa so I just inherited Sci Farm i can’t believe it’s a name that Dardo Valley only half a mile now [Music] what what the [ __ ] was that sound hello you must be Cypho the farm’s right over here if you’ll follow me jesus the mess sure it’s a bit overgrown but there’s some good soil underneath that mess this must be Grandpa’s sidepiece robin welcome i’m Louis mayor of Pelican Town it’s not every day that someone new moves in it’s quite the big deal well good luck oh so this is me in my room you receive 15 parnip seats here’s a little something to get you started mayor Lewis all right guys so in our first day here on Sci Farm we are going to go plant some crops grandpa left me a piece of [ __ ] farm all right we we cleared a decent plot so now you’re telling me if I We’re doing this with no rhyme or reason right now guys i just got to learn what the hell’s going on okay so what now I water it this [ __ ] takes forever it’s like real life okay this is all bothering me i don’t know if it should be bothering me this much but guess what we’re going to do grandpa gave me his old bomb don’t know what I’m doing blacking out up on the lawn in a toilet in this [ __ ] i’m [ __ ] in the pond killing trees and catching Z’s now 20 days are gone [ __ ] don’t show up on my property hello Cyo hello Marne e see this cat here how y’all doing my name’s up i think it’s a stray poor little thing what the hell going on i think he likes his place oppy well little Oppy you be a good kitty now okay i ain’t a good cat oppy calm down oh I love you i like you a lot thanks Oppy all right I’m going to go to bed you can hop in if you’d like the happened to Oppy it looks like you got ran over i’m all right oh all right first of all what is this cipho wait for my return on the dawn of your third year i thought grandpa [ __ ] died all right well it’s been an hour and a half of straight up chopping and chopping and Oh the copy died no I’m just sleeping oh okay so look at all these quests we got it would be a nice gesture to introduce yourself around town some people might be anxious to meet the new for farmer all right let’s go say hello to Mr bus driver the bus to Calico Desert is out of service there’s a mine cart over here out of order does anything in this town work oh whoa oh there’s like a whole village down here hi ah looks like a good day to play catch huh i’d ask you to throw the ball around but you don’t really seem like the sports type what the hell’s that supposed to mean uh never mind what do you want all right [ __ ] you then hello sir hello remember to cover your mouth when you sneeze wait let’s go in the mine what could go wrong here take this you might need it okay so looks like we’re going mining i did not know this was a thing in this game but look at those things down there you going to try to attack me i’m just going to assume you’re bad i hope you’re not friendly and Ah die oh we’re about to get a kill feed up cat tree oppy would like that but it’s a $10,000 cat tree so maybe not wait why does Oppy not love me why does Oppy not love me why don’t you have five hearts by your name why does he keep doing that is that supposed to be a happy thing cuz that doesn’t look happy it looks like roadkill someone named Willie invited you to visit the beach south of town he says he has something to give you i’m sure his name was Willie and that’s not what he wanted to give me all right we’re going to go try to find Willie at the beach or something heard there was a newcomer in town good to finally meet you you stink yeah I want you to have an old my old fishing rod i’ll also buy anything you catch if it smells it sells click to raise the bar key bar behind fish oh this was I thought this was going to be relaxing that carpal tunnel simulator that was the worst thing I’ve ever experienced used 300 pieces of wood to fix the bridge i guess might as well this place’s getting shot up oh all right cool all right we just fixed a bridge that’s like the biggest thing we’ve done all play through seemed like that was kind of absolutely pointless what the What was the point of that 300 wood first of all how does this contain 300 wood let’s go find something else to do robin’s lost axe robin lost her favorite axe the last time she remembers using it she was cutting wood south of Marne’s ranch i don’t know where any of that [ __ ] is man oh there’s the axe all right we’re heading to Rada Robin’s place yay i found the axe all right Robin this you what can I do for you take the axe I just found of yours find Robin’s lost axe i did it’s quite literally in my hands [ __ ] you Robin this game’s pissing me off all right the lost axe is never getting returned try it raising animals build a co-op or barn so you can raise animals so both these quests require Robin to not be a [ __ ] [ __ ] and she’s being one how do I How do I build a co-op i’ll do that oh look at that 4,000 G’s and I have 650 my god did you move get off i would rather play legendary mode than this right now because at least I know what the hell I’m supposed to be doing on it like I assume I’m supposed to start planting a bunch of crops and [ __ ] check out this crop plot I’m laying out guys we’re going to take a step back and just try to do something correctly cuz everything I’ve tried has not worked thus far and I’ll be blacked out again okay so I guess now I have to water everything i’m feeling exhausted from pouring water if I pass out from lifting an empty watering can this I have to go to bed this game is frustrating me and what the [ __ ] happened to my What happened to my crop plot and why is Willie here do you want to hold the ride like this you see Willie that Why are you pulling your wiener out get the [ __ ] off my property so I try to become a farmer and then my guy almost passes out from watering plants and then my crop field gets destroyed overnight so that’s awesome what do we have mixed seeds sure hell of a good mixed girl so mixed seeds can’t be too bad looks like I don’t have any other seeds so guess we could go buy some with the little money we have hello Pierre nice to meet you welcome to Pier how can me help you me can give you these parnip seed these beans start i’ll take some potato seeds barely have any money i can’t buy [ __ ] it’s expensive i don’t know what I’m supposed to do man all right potato seed there’s going to be a lone tater in the corner i just don’t know man i don’t know what the hell to do other than just mindlessly chop [ __ ] it’s very bad enough that I don’t know what I want to do with my life in real life and now I have to experience that feeling in this game i don’t have energy right now so [Music] uh what the [ __ ] is all this guess I’m supposed to water them and why is there grass and rocks everywhere i slept one night and then you’re telling did it rain rocks i’m really trying to like understand i ain’t trying to be a Debbie Downer right now i’m trying to understand what I’m meant to do and I just don’t getting around takes forever so it’s annoying having to walk around for 10 minutes and then just end up with nothing new hello i’m new here i don’t know you why are you talking to me i don’t understand how people think this game is relaxing it’s infuriating me right now [ __ ] Shane i will decapitate like I I’m looking for the mine now and I got NPCs walking around basically telling me to myself could you tell me on the map i think something’s wrong with my crops what did I do wrong we’re going to go look at the museum and the uh blacksmith and see if anything useful happens wo grape why am I finding all kinds of random [ __ ] oh it’s locked of course it is donate to museum yes where do I put it oh I put it on the shelf okay it doesn’t seem like you have anything to donate in the museum i just did not even a thank you from this prick hey baby ew you’re all dirty all right goodbye Oppoy i I really don’t know bro yeah well I don’t either don’t ask me trying to play this game as an escape and it’s just a mirrored image of my real life number one priority is we need to figure out how to make money we’re going to try fishing again i got an inventory full of random stuff I’ve been picking up but I don’t know what to do with any of it i can sell him fish right oh my god okay so this is where we make some money oh 300 guys we just made some good money let’s try the training rod first see how it goes seaweed all right I’ve caught seaweed twice now and seaweed again this training rod sucks oh I got some broken glasses what is this box supposed to be used for again i guess we’ll put some stuff in there and see what happens with it oh yeah okay oh my god that’s how we make money we throw everything in that box and then it makes me money overnight oh my god we got quality goods for sale i really like peppers so let’s get some pepper seeds we’re going to become pepper farmers cuz I love spicy stuff so that’s all I could afford right there uh I would like to construct a farm building a coupe yes i don’t know oh I guess there I’ll start working on your new coupe first thing tomorrow morning i don’t understand how rocks are just like showing up like I don’t think that’s how it works your axe Lavin your axe i have it it’s right here a green rain has descended upon the valley what this place is way too overgrown i’m going right back to bed i don’t want to deal with green rain why is everyone ginger man oh my dear i’m so glad everyone ended up okay and my flowers look healthier than ever what do you mean everyone ended up okay oh my god we can harvest our peppers yes so I guess the gold star ones are just like rare a little bit more rare what the [ __ ] let’s go buy more pepper seeds closed oh oh it’s closed on Wednesdays okay oh my god how are you doing sweetie i’ve missed you so much since you left i hope the farm in life is everything you’d hope for love mom ps i sent your favorite cookies thanks Mom i’m just going to sell mom’s cookies for money we’re all gathering at the beach for the annual Pelican Town luau the governor himself is attending the event so make sure you’re on your best behavior we’re going to a party we’re going to a party oh hell yeah this is awesome look sharp the governor is here for his annual visit if you brought something for the potluck make sure and put it in the soup cauldron i did not well folks it’s time once again for the potluck ceremony i trust that you all put high quality ingredients in the pot this year we don’t want the governor to regret his visit to the valley well Governor would you do us the honor of tasting the soup of course i’ve been looking forward to this all year mhm right here okay a little bit of Well it’s not bad but it’s missing something did everyone in the town contribute an ingredient to the soup i feel like it’s missing someone’s unique voice yeah that makes [ __ ] sense well thanks for joining us this year sorry the soup wasn’t anything special you know what I say we do Oppy chill chill oh he’s sleeping all right let’s go buy some peppers might as well grab a grape while we’re at it i just got graped isn’t that what the kids be saying nowadays pierre has peppers for us so now we have that coupe so I guess we could put some Oh my god man why is that a [ __ ] thing there’s always some reason I can’t do what I want welcome to Pier hello Pierre how many pepper seeds can we get folks 41 so I think we’ll plant these peppers and then probably go to sleep cuz I’m tired of the [ __ ] rain boom bam boom bing bang bang all right that’s all the pepper seeds we have let’s go to bed because I can’t stand thising rain it’s still raining all right back to bed then now this makes me feel a little bit happier playing this game i actually feel like I’m doing something with my time nope dude like I I can’t even get started i hate fishing in this so much holy [ __ ] this is a tough one to Nope dude i literally can’t man maybe I’m supposed to hold the mouse down and not click oh my god this whole time it you just hold the mouse down i’ve been trying to control the thing by spam clicking it no wonder I hated this this isn’t bad at all joca they stole that from Terraria i’m starting to understand this game better i’m starting to like it for once jolly music is playing and it’s actually fitting to my mood how about you Oppy i’m loving my freaking day today what you doing down here uh I got some peppers going on be careful with them they’re hot oh see this backpack oh we got inventory space it only cost us 2,000 i feel more energetic in this wonderful weather it’s okay to get a moderate amount of sunlight just don’t get burnt what sort of gadget should I tinker with this summer wood club it’s like a better weapon than what I have now let’s see this i [ __ ] somebody up wait sneakers i’m getting like I got red shoes on peppers yes look at all these [ __ ] peppers damn peppers better be worth something let me throw them in here bang bang bang i have no energy what the from watering my farm of Oh my god always man crafter sprinkler iron bar oh [ __ ] oh I just put copper in the furnace so that’s going to make me a bar or something there’s a wizard dude living over here apparently let’s go say hi i am Ramodius seeker of the arcane truths i just got roofied by the wizard i’ll never go back in there oh yeah purchase animals chicken guys we just bought two chickens flucking and [ __ ] hello little [ __ ] and [ __ ] [Music] the [ __ ] hey that’s nice you’re lucky I found you last night you were unconscious and someone was searching your pockets i have no idea how much money they took they ran away as soon as I approached be more careful oh my god i need a fresh melon from your farm if you brought me one I’d be very grateful i’ll accept the quest but I don’t have a melon wait what the [ __ ] isn’t Demetrius the black guy they could have had anybody ask for a watermelon in the entire game and they had the black guy do it train is passing through Stardew Valley it was going to be awesome stop right there a oh oh oh oh so they just give me free [ __ ] wait what is this gold ore could you throw me some iron could you throw me some iron go talk to Robin i have your axe Robin i have your axe it’s locked of course it is oh my god it finally let me talk to her you found my axe what a relief i almost chopped my toe off so you’re telling me a pet bowl cost 5,000 G’s and a cabin cost 100 we’re going to buy a silo um silo here it is bring all our stone all our clay and copper bars i only have four clay how do I get clay god damn it oh clay is a common drop when tilling areas okay I’ll till everything i looked it up it says I can get clay by tilling areas that’s what I began doing and nothing’s happening well I about used all my energy and didn’t get a single piece of clay so that doesn’t make sense guess I’m going to sleep and wake up and then hit the ground some more and it’s raining move Oppoy i’m I can’t I’m stuck [ __ ] like I don’t understand it’s a common drop when you hit dirt it is not a common drop i don’t ever want to hear that [ __ ] again [Music] oh my god my first clay after like 500 jesus enough of the noises starting to feel exhausted [ __ ] yourself yay get to go sleep [Music] would you [ __ ] move OP how do I get rid of this cat how do I get rid of him seriously I’m done with him i need two more pieces let’s go get a silo i come here seeking a silo oh it’s of course it’s locked all right well I’m in and there’s nobody [ __ ] here why is Robin in in bed if you need any buildings or your farm upgraded just ask me okay well I need a silo perfect you’ll need to provide enough lumber and stone for the project yep I got you but I’m sure you’ll be pleased with the results me too can I Can I do it can I get it i’ll go to the cash register here I I’ll meet you halfway Robin or you can walk out what are you doing shop’s closed for the day i’m at Caroline’s place for the aerobics club okay well I guess I’m just going to go sleep and waste the day all right I’m back oh it’s locked okay cool i’d like to purchase a silo can you build this for me please all right so a silo is being crafted hey stop that yuck whoa whoa whoa why is one chicken big and fat an egg flucking is all grown up uh I’m a female police officer and I find that offensive yeah so half my energy is gone from simply watering plants my knee’s acting up on me again and you know what helps rubbing the darn thing with a hot pepper if you’ve got one to spare I’d be much obliged who drew the green thing doing the blue thing from behind up here i have a hot pepper for you you [ __ ] i’m going to bake cookies today the coconut one is shaped like little palm trees we need to find iron bro i have no idea what iron will look like but I really want sprinklers because I’m tired of having to manually do the crops and you know how far do you got to go to get iron man how do you get more energy in this game i don’t know how this What is that who [ __ ] who farted grandpa is that you i’m going to have to go sleep cuz I don’t got no energy but hopefully we can find iron next trip i get a cut scene of this weirdo going through someone’s trash a god god damn it not again would you do an old man a favor just go around the corner and scare off those raccoons for me it was me i’m sorry you think there’s something wrong with what I’m doing i’m not harming anyone i just want to live life in my own way is that so wrong no but you should get a job and stop leeching off others oh you can go on home i promise I won’t rummaging George’s cannon you don’t dismiss me Lionus get off your high horse you caveman [ __ ] crap research bring Demetrius a melon oh I forgot about that one he needs him for his research quote unquote uh nothing like a good pepper harvest oh my silo’s done so I think if I hit grass with this it collects hay no that’s what I heard oh my god so now we’ve got hay in here right i’m going back to the mines till I find iron i mean the mines there’s nothing exciting going on so I’m not going to show you guys too much well we’re at level 25 now no sight of iron i want some fudge and I want iron i don’t even know if this game has fudge but I want it okay level 30 looks promising we’re going to come back later whenever I’ve got more energy you know what we should do let’s bring all of our geodess to the blacksmith and see what we get oh of course of course the place is locked just going to [ __ ] loiter out here until then i’m going to get on my phone all right and we start swiping on Tinder in real life until the game decides that I can go do what I want to do we’re just going to go through all these geodess celesteine limestone flint and steel iron iron ore wait is that how we get iron ore this whole time all right so we should probably go donate all this [ __ ] to a museum i got something for you Mr museum you can have that that that that oh that that that oh that that that oh farming sounds so boring what do you do all day uh snoop around in your room what you better not be doing that she’s actually [ __ ] pissed oh my god that was not supposed to happen you smell like grass you smell like ass what shall it profit a man if he gains the whole world but loses his soul so we’re going to make some iron ingots i like this little chicken he my friend all right we’re going to craft here we go sprinkler we did it now how do we put this down it’ll water something in the morning so I guess we’ll wake up and see what it does okay yeah the sprinkler’s going off don’t drown the goddamn things and now Oppy’s getting wet cyo tonight at 10:00 p.m a rare and beautiful event will take place the Moonlight Jellies will be passing by Pelican Town on their long journey south for the winter we’re all gathering to the at the We’re all gathering at the beach to watch you don’t want to miss this see you tonight Demetrius well that is not what was supposed to just [ __ ] happen break the one I’m clicking on this doesn’t look like a [ __ ] party oh everybody’s down here good evening Cypher the moonlight jellies are close i already saw one glowing in the distance once we launch the candle boat they’ll come up to the docks and say hello my god it’s beautiful the glow of summer is faded now and the moonlight jellies carry on toward the great unknown day one of fall we made it to fall the best season of all get this [ __ ] Tony’s Chocolone off my keyboard i got fudge by the way we want to start this fall season off right we did not start any of the other seasons off in a good way let’s check out the vibe of the Ooh look how pretty it is during the fall told you guys fall was the best season winter is going to [ __ ] everything up i don’t know we should probably go mining and start upgrading our tools cuz I didn’t even realize that was a thing you could do in this game hello i don’t know you why are you talking to me i will batter you black and blue pierre let me in [Music] why is he allowed in Pierre’s and I’m not sorry I’m not trying to get too worked up have you explored the mines much i’ve heard you can find some useful materials there how did you know I was going there yes copper is what we want oh my god my property sucks okay well there’s five uh copper ingots so now let’s go better not need to pay him any money cuz I’m I don’t have any money right now ah hello there Cypho you shut up at the perfect time what it’s our new special orders board robin and I built it from scratch yeah I can tell it’s [ __ ] yeah did he cream himself see with Scipharm Farm back in business the local economy has really been picking up i highly doubt that cuz I haven’t done [ __ ] so Robin and I came up with the idea of a new special orders board where people can post bigger jobs for example I plan on requesting some hardwood for a bed I want to make who knows maybe if the bed turns out well I’ll start sharing it with you oh I’m sure you’re busy so we won’t keep you from your work any longer 100 eggplants by the end of the season okay we’re going to we’re going to take on a mission guys 100 eggplants end of the season we can do it except blacksmith upgrade my tool to two oh my god why does it cost money bro if I’m bringing you the m I have to provide the materials and pay you how does that What kind of [ __ ] business is this whenever you go to get your phone repaired you don’t bring them the screen you pay them because they have the materials this town we’re going to spend our entire day fishing i play Pokemon Go every day i play I am not spending money on anything till we’ve got 100 eggplants dickin looks really happy today and Kaka looks fine so let’s go the chickens are all happy all right we’re going to buy eggplant seeds with all the money we can eggplants let me in Pierre i need eggplants closed on Wednesdays go [ __ ] figure man all right let’s go to the saloon and get a pale ale then how about that for that Pam quest it’s locked oh my god looks like I’m spending my whole day fishing again i don’t know oh my god I got treasure mystery box diamond let’s go to the blacksmith and he’ll open it for me they say what’s going to be the blacksmith closed because of the weather you bettering let me in all right I need you to open my mystery box huh jade ring all right well Pierre’s is open now here goes all my energy we kiss it [ __ ] goodbye folks plant seeds all right so we need a 100 of these [ __ ] okay they’re pretty cheap so this won’t even be hard boom we did it okay we’re going to plant all the eggplants right move right down here welcome to eggplant city ladies and gentlemen all right look guys we did it 100 eggplants and I can’t water it because I will [ __ ] pass out because my guy’s a [ __ ] i got some treasure what’ I get what’ I get what the [ __ ] what is the pink What does the pink star mean willie can you tell me Willie tell me ah you’re going to have to figure that one out for yourself kid the hell Oppy why you got to be over here i’m going to go over here then you don’t give a [ __ ] about me that’s right Oppy very good [Music] move oh my god i don’t want to hear it i hate the energy system in this game everything else I’m starting to understand and I like enjoy it you guys ain’t seeing much because I’m just been fishing all day every day and then watering my plants nothing exciting is happening this summer it’s the [ __ ] worst summer ever oh oh my god bang bang bang 6,000 [ __ ] dollars of eggplants so we are rich now no big deal we have a bunch of eggplants that we can hopefully keep selling now correct me if I’m wrong i think we should start building a barn and then upgrade all of our tools uh copper pickaxe thanks i’ll get started on this as soon as I can it should be ready in a couple days so I’m pickless now catch 20 riverfish oh my god now we’re going to run over to uh Robin and get our barn started build me a barn i think you can get bigger animals in it i guess it’s going right there oh I moved it over one whatever and I guess we’re fishing all day today i was going to go mining but lo and behold I’m just going to catch 20 fish real quick uh I’ll be back boom that’s 20 we’re gonna wake up in the morning and go buy us some move it is our pleasure to inform you that your farm will be featured next week up and cominging column of the Stardw Valley Tribune you’re going to feature this piece of [ __ ] this is a humiliation ritual what the hell i’m very much enjoying the game now how y’all doing how y’all doing uh Opie don’t talk to the viewers they don’t want to hear you come on man oh I’ve got one heart with a lot of people now all four chickens are here now we got Bakock Kaka Dickin and Flucking my pickaxe damn well better be ready well never mind it doesn’t even matter cuz I used all my energy i know grandma’s that water crops more than that in real life and they’re fine give me mying pickaxe back yes probably take a nap later [ __ ] you dad’s coming back soon trust me he’s not kid keep your mind open and some interesting things might take root oh what are you trying to say i’ll see you tonight babe cool the barn’s done wo pumpkins dairy cow all right let’s buy a bunch of them all right this one will be named Saggy shaggy P haggy naggie i just want to remind you that the Sard Valley Fair is happening tomorrow don’t forget to bring your nine items for the garage display remember the fair starts at 9:00 a.m in the town square see you there i’m not bringing sh Whoa what the hell are you lightly hopefully you guys aren’t nice sorry not taking any chances get murdered all of you well we’re at level 45 uh no idea how deep this thing goes like I said oh kill feed it’s probably about time to go home oh but we’re at a checkpoint perfect what’s in this tundra boots oh [ __ ] I forgot this was today what is this are you throwing like me smash i will smash the [ __ ] out of it strength level gorilla it’s your chance to show off all your good produce from the farm i sold it all dumbass step right up pick a color and place your bet for a chance to double your wager i pick green how many tokens would you like what are star tokens how do I get star tokens where’s the star tokens bro how do I get star tokens i want to spin the wheel oh play the slingshot game to win star tokens here we go luckily this game is made for [ __ ] children and girls so this these mini games are easy that was just an offensive joke just just a little dark humor for you guys how much did I make 41 out of 202 we’re gambling it all let me gamble green i would like to bet 100 star tokens get on with it okay well it’s clearly rigged green 184 on green bro why the He’s such a cheat you posh bastard [Music] that was it 98% accuracy who is the best to ever play it who is the best to ever do it i’m gambling at all bro i have 1,000 stars i have a thousand oh I can only buy stuff i can’t cash out oh a fedora i’ll take that a rare crow that looks cool what the [ __ ] happened to your kid there’s a long bus right here but totally worth it the valley is so beautiful simon loves it don’t you Simon says Simon guess I’ll take a star drop wait I just ate it what did it do oh I understand everything you found a star drop it’s strange but the taste reminds you of old people your maximum energy level has increased holy [ __ ] oh my god i’m glad I became a degenerate and gambled for that all right well I guess I’m leaving the festival that was fun i’ve been waiting i was gambling oppy i was gambling look at me bro why did my ass double in size when I got this watering can where the hell’s Gus oh who did I just get wait what did I just give her um where would I put this what did I just give Granny disliked gift moss i just planted a bunch of mix seeds cuz I don’t know what else to do with my day so whoa whoa whoa whoa what’s happening i’m just fishing for trash right now for a mission ain’t really nothing interesting happening that ain’t trash oh my god catch it already i have to poop uh there it is oh [ __ ] bro I want trash quit giving me Joja Cola quit giving me Joja Cola it’s a bunch of [ __ ] over there i know dump the trash in the recycling bin behind the train platform all right trash trash trash trash trash 500 G’s lionus you are such a cheap skate i hate Lionus so much i’ve done a couple quests for him he gives me nothing can I milk you [ __ ] yet oh my god i’m milking him i’m milking him i’m here to collect Clint’s business tax i’m here to collect Clint’s business tax i made a All right there’s so many different things craftable and I really don’t know what like why like Okay like this one it makes jam but what would I need jam for this one makes turns eggs into mayonnaise but why would I want mayonnaise this one turns milk into cheese but why would I want cheese you know what I mean like I can finally get rid of these big ugly stumps that’s nice oh that’s how you get hardwood i’ve been living a simple old farmer’s life ever since I put this hat on despite it not being a farmer’s hat my days are consumed by tending to my crops and [ __ ] now I don’t really have time for anything else maybe I’m playing this game wrong i don’t know somebody help me somebody help me no not you recycling machine turns fishing trash into resources oh let’s put one of those down put it right here by the lake let’s get some trash now okay here’s trash here we go here we go it’s working you can tell that thing working the [ __ ] a rock bandana shirt now I really look like a farmer i look like I’m in overalls and a farmer hat i put down a bunch of mixed seeds and they all ended up being eggplants as if I didn’t have enough of those whatever can I help no oppy no come on don’t let me do something i’ll tell you what you can do what jump in the lake and don’t come back oh I hate my life you guys might think I’m being mean to him but you don’t understand what he does off camera i am a piece of [ __ ] i ain’t going to lie oh cheese all right let me see this cheese oh my god that’s way better than milk look at that i want to kill myself yeah if I were you I would too what the [ __ ] am I doing in the corner open mystery boxes give me something good i have enough of that we’re about to hit winter and I don’t know what the hell’s going to happen i think it’s about time we make our farm actually look good so what are you prehistoric verte found I found a dinosaur bone or something i meant to say bone or something not bone or something if I can find a common mushroom and a hazelnut I can do something with it oh there’s a mushroom then we just need a hazelnut [Music] [Applause] i think I just shard it the hell is this the water’s never been cleaner and the same goes for me the [ __ ] was the point of that hazelnut fall foraging bundle okay you got this you got this you got this what is this gonna give me oh oh I got fall seeds what how very thoughtful of you now that fall’s over get off me pantry oh my god why did you guys not comment this in the comment section huh i didn’t know this it’s like a collection thing okay that’s fun that’ll give us plenty of activities um all right let’s go work on our farm we need to make it look good it’s unacceptable the state it’s in so this will be a little you know a little mini crop area whatever you want to grow i don’t know those can both be crop fields right is that good i I I don’t know what feel like I’m doing everything wrong notice a chill in the air it could just be the approach of winter what are we going to do all winter if we can’t do crops the hell is that starrop tea a very special gift that would delight anyone oh so I just gift it to somebody and they’ll like it kind of like Emily i might bring her this gift hey Emily hello you’re not good enough friends with Emily to enter her bedroom well I’m about to be sorry i’m allergic to grass oh yeah are you allergic to gifts baby i farted sorry okay here here sick a rock uh that’s such a stupid gift okay wait so I can just give everybody gifts here h this is interesting oh my god i didn’t know I could just run up to people and give them [ __ ] who are you take some milk thank you this makes my day really special here Pierre take some coal these seem to exac me fave take a gift what am I supposed to do with this it’s the same color as you what am I supposed to do with you uh here mayor and I guess it’s the thought that counts [ __ ] you i got green algae for somebody now now that I know you can give gifts I’m going to give everything away i’m like Mr beast here pal why would you give this to me do you think I like junk just because I live in a tent that’s terrible what the is wrong with this guy i do not like lime hutch holy [ __ ] big coupe so what do we What should we get man I’m kind of overwhelmed all right guys we’re going for it we’re pulling the trigger uh build there goes all my money this is what made Lionus throw a giant baby fit i’m going to go give it to Robin and she’s going to love it hey Robin got you something what the This is terrible all right whoa i guess we’re going to the maze fans let’s see what happens we’re going to complete the maze just to show off real quick oh freaking Goku over here made it to the end what’s up bro it’s just a dead end up ahead yeah but there’s a clue don’t you see ah aha oh [ __ ] holy [ __ ] i like found golden pumpkin let’s sell the golden pumpkin see how much money I make from it oh my god that pumpkin made me $2,500 i made a lot of money holy the [ __ ] is up with this oh oh hello you going to [ __ ] fight is that what it is what was the point of that day one of winter we made it to winter uh-oh oh my god it really is winter wow really really makes a fell think where the [ __ ] is Marty man i’ve been sat here for days all right well I’ll come back i’m going to go to open my geodess I guess cuz Marne’s being a lazy marty better be back i’m trying to get some animals going man oh my god can’t just abandon your post when you’re needed the most what’s happening what is that whoa huh we’re going to go talk to Marne hopefully this time she actuallying is working marne you better be working to Is that her what is she doing what is she doing she doing her makeup maybe can you Hey no no no don’t leave i need you to I need to buy stuff no you’re not allowed to go uh-uh i don’t God I I I don’t know what to do my whole plan for the winter was to get some ducks and [ __ ] and Marty just refuses to work i want to start donating to this community center more i don’t know what’ll happen when you donate everything but we got the snow yam bang finally Marty give me some [ __ ] ducks all right i want my duck to be named [ __ ] fak Quack our last one will be named Whack look at all our little ducks i love you all oh all right let’s go mining i want to get to the bottom of the mine i just don’t know how where the bottom’s at we’re on level 63 right now I believe i don’t know how deep it goes it could go to 100 kind of trying to speedrun it because we wasted a lot of our day already yes checkpoint what do we get another Oh master slingshot oh we’re in like a castle now oh my god skeletons whoa it’s not cheat now who gave you the right i haven’t died once on this game fun fact I wonder if there is any part of this game that’s uh actually like pretty hard whoa hello idiots it’s creepy down here fire walker boots we’re on level 80 all right we hit our checkpoint we’ll come back here maybe tomorrow 85 look at that i’m trying to avoid spoilers on this game but I did see something on like a YouTube short about something you can do with the steel axe to access a new area your steel axe is ready the train is p Oh [ __ ] give me my axe give me my axe there’s a train passing there’s a train train train did I make it damn it i think I missed it why is it not throwing me nothing that was stupid all right i think we’re going to try to find a log on the ground over here oh my god i think it’s up there i think I see it let me in the secret area now now now what oh oh oh what i thought this was going to be like a whole new area but it’s just one room i’ve got an unusual request could you keep it secret i want you to deliver an amethyst to Emily it’s her favorite stone tell her it’s from me from Clint okay well I’m going to say it’s from me if possible but I’ll do it all right let’s go give Emily an amethyst we got an amethyst ready to give Emily but she ain’t moving from her room so we’re just going to fish until she does move hey Emily it’s one of your girlfriends can you open the door i don’t know maybe it’ll work what’s up bro one sec i got to beat this level you got a [ __ ] game boy one sec i got to beat this level we’ve lived here for over 30 years we’ve seen a lot of people come and go your grandfather for one ah I hear the biggest [ __ ] dick I ever Evelyn do you know how to cook bean hot pot no but I know how to give you a amethyst oh my favorite stone you’re so sweet it’s from who it’s beautiful thank you smooch i think I might I think me and Emily might Oh [ __ ] let the [ __ ] fart behind as well this Christmas feels like the very first Christmas to me hello househo your first year in S Valley is almost over me be selling new seed varieties in me shop next year pier seeds are the highest quality seeds you’ll find anywhere that’s a promise all right Pierre wiping your [ __ ] spit off my face from the way you talk i want to give Emily another Wait do we know what gifts Emily likes cuz I am trying to My ducks grown up yet they are all right everyone let’s begin this year’s ice fishing competition okay contestants your goal is to catch as many fish as you possibly can in 2 minutes using the provided fishing rods begin what the [ __ ] come on Cipher we all believe in you shut up mayor [Music] oh damn it wow that’s a lot of fish the smell god damn it now for the winner of this year’s ice fishing competition cybo with seven big slimy fish i can’t believe I won well time to head home we got this thing we got this thing we got this thing we got this thing we got this thing give me a reward there’s going to be a f Okay I actually like that reward thank you oh getting milk from behind oh my god it’s that thing e you caught me i’m sorry take it take it it looks so valuable i couldn’t help myself you received a magnifying glass you now have the ability to find secret notes these notes reveal rare and useful information can be reviewed in your collections tab all these enemies are like do the same thing they just look different wait I have a secret note what the [ __ ] see what I mean man they’re all the same enemy just with different looks to them bang no big deal easy reward mine carts repaired so this is how you repair the minecarts interesting this community center is a a lot of work but we’ll chip away at it over time it must be so cold for the poor fish it’s so cold for this amethyst an amethyst this will protect me on those late nights working at the saloon oh my god I got two hearts with Emily oh my god I’m going to [ __ ] kiss her anytime I find an amethyst it’s going directly to Emily you can’t have sex in this game can you we need a storage room so I think if you get like a I forgot what it’s called a shed or a shack built you can get a room with an empty interior and then I can just fill that with chests hey I have a nice walk not really all right you are going to give me I want a shed oh all right well there’s the shed there goes most of our money secret note what’s in it oh there’s treasure over there dropping off some stuff here at the community center bang we got Bang bang oops did that in the wrong order what is this the [ __ ] oh my god I got more energy yes you found a star drop it’s strange but the taste reminds you of old people we hit floor 100 all right let’s give uh let’s give this guy a dwarf actually I want the money h Let’s give him a dwarf scroll here you go well I guess it’s a thought that [ __ ] you Louis all right we got a bunch of exotic people down here what you got for me outdoor decorations okay so I don’t give a [ __ ] a stone for $600 it’s useful oh my hello hi [Music] all right that’s enough of that dear Cypher I’d like to give you some information about an upcoming event the Feast of Winter Star everyone in the town is randomly assigned to someone else on the day of the festival everyone brings a gift for their secret friend and surprises them with something special this year sorry this year your secret friend is Demetrius don’t tell anyone the feast will take place on the 25th okay so we’ve got 7 days to find a gift that Demetrius will like let’s not racially profile him like the game did let’s think outside of Watermelon oh finally inventory space oh we’re on level 115 well make that 116 give me that we got a mushroom for Demetrius and it’s purple so it’s like a double kill reach the lowest level of the mine so I’m This is the bottom i made it to the bottom you found the skull key you’re not sure what it’s for but it seems important it’s been added to my wallet oh Emily I have a delivery for you if I given Emily two gifts this week that’s enough if Emily’s single under her name disappears I will actually have a meltdown i’m not even kidding if we could get an earth crystal we could finish the entire mining section of the community center and it said it would fix the minecarts so if we go into the cave around like level 10 to like 30ish I think we’ll be able to find a um earth crystal hopefully pike frenzy has begun at Cedar Shot Forest what the [ __ ] is that earth crystal yes okay okay now we go boom bundle complete yay oh whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa oh so the room’s all done now i have to repair every room in here let’s go see what it what the mine cart does what do you do what the [ __ ] it’s out of order the promise was not kept bunch of liars in this game i’m going to bed hate my life oh okay they’re doing it overnight they’re doing some sort of voodoo [ __ ] on it to make it work choose destination town oh it’s like a little mini fast travel is there any way for me to look at the notes I’ve gotten oh yes there’s something up by the train tracks let’s go let’s go let’s go uh I said uh okay that ain’t it that ain’t it it’s right next to the rock oh treasure chest all right let’s go to bed see how much money we make damn 5,000 that’s good apparently on Sundays if I watch the TV we learned how to cook pumpkin pie just now okay we need to upgrade our house let’s check out the inside of our shed oh yeah i would like you to upgrade my 450 pieces of wood thank you i’ll get started tomorrow i should be finished around 3 days here you go an amethyst this will protect yeah yeah you always say that do I have three hearts to do yet i do bro winter’s starting to suck man we don’t have hay we don’t have wood what are we supposed toing do see maybe there’s a quest I don’t know that we can dedicate our time to 80 hardwood robin wants 80 hardwood that’s not that bad i have 73 hardwood all right that’s good enough 80 hardwood ain’t cheap where’s my reward i just gave Robin the 80 hardwood where’s my reward that’s what I think about that [ __ ] quest i got nothing 80 hardwood is like a lot wait so oh my god look over there so one day we’ll repair this bridge and be able to go over there we’re just going to go fishing I guess i I I I I don’t know what to do with my life what is my purpose holy [ __ ] this thing what is it nope what is it we put in some work fishing today let me tell you what we’re getting close to the end of the year guys wa wa wa if I like this so what do I do here in the kitchen oh these are where you make the recipes okay dear Cypho tomorrow is the feast of the winter star did you get your gift for your secret friend Demetrius yeah I have the purple mushroom and he’s going to love it so did I get my reward for the hardwood bro what are you what i turned my 80 pieces of hardwood in and it’s saying I only gathered nine so now I’m down 80 hardwood and got no money for it i’ve been robbed i’ve literally been robbed you can come over anytime you want hey Appy meow that’s right Oppy meow meow all right too much i give you an inch and you take a mile happy every time oh [ __ ] i slept until 8:10 oh god I’m going to miss the fair all right we got Demetrius’s gift surely he’s going to love it jingle bells jingle bells mayor Louis is gay today is a time cyo come on now don’t tell people that today is a time to be thankful for this year’s good fortune forget your worries for a day and relax where Where’s my girl oh she’s down here cypho what are you hoping to find under the spirit tree new watering can maybe i don’t [ __ ] know oh work and no play that’s not very fun do you want a provider don’t you you want somebody to [ __ ] provide for you yeah clint back the [ __ ] off Emily by the way she’s mine give Demetrius his secret gift here it is so it’s you a purple mushroom thanks he liked it hey Cyo i’m your secret gift giver this year here open it now oh come on Willie all right a magnet a freaking magnet Willie it’s not much but I hope you like it can I tell him I don’t no Willie i hated it i [ __ ] hated the gift ah I’m pissed i hated it i’d join in but I don’t think I’m welcome what a [ __ ] party pooper this guy is debbie Downer party pooper any negative alliteration that is him negative Nancy oh my god I have four hearts with Emily now four i think there’s an area on the map we’ve never been to and I want to go check it out there’s a rare fish I can get i’ve never been this far south so let’s just keep going and see what’s up wait hats i can buy hats i like my hat the most right now if I go over here there’s a rare very difficult to catch fish that’s what we’re going to try to do today it’s called a glacier fish oh this is it this is it nope oh my god how was that even possible to catch that was definitely it though i’m not even going to try that that was too hard god damn it Will do you ever just think about jumping in and not swim back up yep all the time kid all the time day 28 of winter i don’t know how many days of winter we have left oh my god that slime just dropped an amethyst no way i want to give this a my baby right now hi here you go an amethyst this will protect me yeah yeah i just I love you oh we’re on year two all right guys well that does it for the first year on Stardy Valley it was a very rough start not the best finish but if you have any tips or advice or things I should do or need to do please leave them in the comments cuz I’m still learning this game as you probably can tell if this video does well we’ll do year two here soon cuz I’m having fun all right goodbye

today we try to learn stardew valley with no idea how to play it!

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