Why Stardew Valley Is A Game About Grief

Why Stardew Valley Is A Game About Grief

Heat. Heat. [Music] Now, I know what you’re thinking. You read the title, clicked on this video, and said to yourself, “Okay, what is this guy on about?” And not without fair reasoning. When you think of Stardew Valley, you don’t think about grief, loss, or even general sadness. Stardo is a game that is often described as a cozy farm simulator, though the developer himself does not label it as such. That said, why would I take the time to write this essay? Why try to convince you that Stardew Valley is a game about grieving? I have a list of reasons, but first, some context. This is my kid. When I say that I love this soul unlike any other I’ve encountered in this life, I’m not exaggerating. Both of my children are priceless blessings. But let me tell you, raising a little girl as a dad is something truly special. Unfortunately, I only got to raise her for 13 years. She took her life in 2023. Your views on life, death, and love change when you lose someone close, and I lost a critical part of my innermost circle. My eyes and heart have been opened to the ways of grief. The world looks and feels different now. Aside from observing everything, including video games, through the eyes of a bereaveved parent, Stardew Valley is something tremendously important, intimate, and sentimental to me. My daughter loved this game just as much as I do, and I have countless cherished memories of us playing it together. The game’s developer, Concerned Ape, has given me a priceless gift in that sense. If you too have shared a video game experience with someone you love, you understand what I mean. So, back to the point of this video. How is Stardew Valley a game about grief? Now, let me be clear. I’m not saying it has surface level grief like other games such as Spirit Farer or Greece. In fact, Stardew would seem firmly anti-grief at first glance. For starters, the game is not a detailed narrative experience, which is by design. Though, the Dennisens of Stardew Valley have rich personalities and detailed backstories, not much in the way of major plot development happens after the first 2 minutes of gameplay. How could a game with little semblance of a story convey grief? In similar fashion, Stardw Valley’s graphics are comprised of whimsical pixel art reminiscent of the 16-bit games from the ’90s. Environments from the player’s farm to Cinder Sap forest to Pelican Town are packed full of colorful vegetation, worn paths, and inviting homes. The game is just so cute, so wholesome. You can decorate your house. You can put a hat on your cat. These little apple guys help you fix the community center. Many cutscenes are even accompanied by unique pixel art. How could a game so charming, nostalgic, and vibrant looking ever feel sad? Perfectly complimenting Stardew’s graphics, its soundtrack has a thoughtfully crafted catalog of songs that range from quiet and ambient to positive and motivating. I must literally resist the urge to go outside and plant crops every time I hear the summer theme, the sun can bend an orange sky. I ask again, how can a game whose music invokes warmth and positivity address grief? My answer to these questions is yes, but why? Let’s discuss the masterpiece that is Stardew Valley, and I’ll share multiple examples of its quiet but direct nod to those who have suffered. Welcome to Gaming with Grief. Okay, so you’ve made it through my intro, but that doesn’t guarantee that you’ve even played this game. So, let me briefly explain what Stardew Valley is. Stardew Valley is an RPG created and published in 2016 by Concerned Ape after 4 years of development. Inspired by games like Harvest Moon for the Super Nintendo and the subsequent Story of Seasons series, the game is experienced through the life of a person who leaves their white collar job at a major corporation to start a new life after inheriting a farm. Though farming is considered by many to be the cornerstone of its experience, the game offers players far more than just growing parsnips. There is also gathering, crafting, mining, fishing, fighting, exploring, socializing, and several mini games. This expansive list of gameplay mechanics has been a boon to the game’s popularity. Stardew Valley has sold 41 million copies as of the writing of this video. It’s also the type of game that can be played in any way that you like. So, where does grief fit in? In a 2025 interview on the podcast Tiger Belly, the game’s creator, Eric Baron, briefly discussed Stardew Valley’s fan-given label as a quote mental health game. I mean, the thing is, like when I made Stardew Valley, I wasn’t ever thinking I’m making a therapy game. I was just making a game that I thought would be fun and then it just happened to have this special effect. And a lot of people have said this to me. I think it’s great. Okay, so some fans clearly agree that Stardew addresses some heavy topics, but is it enough to warrant this video? Especially when you consider that the developer himself did not create the game with grief in the forefront of his mind. I’ll let you be the judge. Here are my examples of how Stardew Valley addresses grief. Okay, the first example on this list is kind of a no-brainer. Like I said earlier, a little in the way of any real story unfolds for the player over the course of the game. That said, the game literally begins with the player’s grandfather passing away. His death and the inheritance of the farm are the catalysts that begin the player’s new life in Stardew Valley. Sure, Grandpa presumably lived a long, happy life. And sure, seeing him cozily tucked into his bed lead us to believe that he died peacefully in his sleep. But death is death. Loss is loss. Grief is grief. The circumstances of one’s death become largely irrelevant after enough time passes. It doesn’t matter if they were 8 or 80. Once your person is gone, that’s it. They’re gone. And there is a void left in their wake that will never be filled. Yes, one can argue that grandpa gifting the player his farm shows us that goodness can find its way into one’s life after a loss, but his death is a prominent and pronounced example of Stardew Valley’s commitment to not avoiding the topic of grief. It is perhaps the perfect way to start this game. Next, we have George, husband to Evelyn and grandfather to Alex. George is a crotchety old man with an often sour disposition. Bound to his wheelchair for the last three decades, he spends much of his time in front of the TV, only moving for meals, church, and the occasional holiday celebration. When the player first meets George, it’s clear that he is neither open-minded nor generally positive. I’d go as far as to say that he is arguably the most unwelcoming towns person at first. He voices his confusion and frustration over the quickly changing world as many elderly people do, not understanding things like open homosexuality. But give it some time and a few gifted wild leaks, and George will start to open up, eventually sharing his tale. George used to work in the mines. 30 years ago, he had an accident involving dynamite while on the job. Though he survived, he lost the use of his legs. In the blink of an eye, George went from a strong, able-bodied man to someone who struggles to reach books on his bookshelf and mail in the back of his mailbox. He laments about not being able to play with Alex, who is always pursuing athletics. It affects his wife, too. On rainy days, Evelyn will tell the player that their roof is leaking. In his heyday, George would be up on the roof fixing it without issue. Now, he relies on her for much of his care, as many physically disabled people do. What’s important to understand about grief is that it’s not just the loss of a person to death. I’ll say that again. Grief is not just the loss of a person to death. Any significant change or loss of quality of life is worthy of grief. George lost more than his ability to walk. He lost a piece of his manhood. He lost his ability to provide for his family. He lost his independence. George isn’t a grumpy old man just for the sake of being grumpy. George is grieving. Maybe you know someone like George in real life, someone who has become unable to do the things they enjoy doing and have adopted an unpleasant attitude accordingly. Keep this lesson about grief in mind next time you interact with them. Their life, like George’s, changed in an instant, and that part that they lost is something they will grieve for the rest of their days. Next, we have Alex, who like I just mentioned is grandson to George and Evelyn. Alex is the town jock, a young, athletic man that exudes confidence. You can often find him outside tossing a football or running an ice cream stand near the museum. Alex comes off as bit of a braggard at first. He has no qualms with walking around shirtless and often boasts about his athleticism, convinced he’s destined to become a pro gridball player. He also seems to care a fair deal about his looks, saying he’d quote shave his head if the ladies didn’t love his hair. This cockiness, however, is mostly a facade, a fairly common defense mechanism adopted by grievers and those with poor self-esteem. Initially, I thought maybe he was sent to live with his grandparents in Stardew Valley because he was a bit of a jerk, but I was a poor judge of Alex’s character. Again, once the player builds enough friendship with Alex, a cut scene plays. Alex can be found sitting on the beach with a music box in his lap. The player sits next to him and he opens up about his childhood. Like many kids, Alex had a deadbeat father who was abusive for years until finally leaving. Unfortunately, his mother got sick and died not too long after that. That’s how he ended up under the care of George and Evelyn. Alex openly laments about not only losing his mother, but also not getting the future with her that he thought he’d have. That’s an important part of grief that often gets overlooked. Losing the future you had planned with your person. In my case, this is all too painful since my daughter died so young. I’ll never get to teach her to drive, walk her down the aisle, or hear the pitterpatter of her children’s footsteps in my home. I have to grieve all of those things, too. What’s more, hearing the music box’s sad, sweet melody reminds Alex of his mother, a sentiment that is undoubtedly bittersweet. All of Alex’s bravado is melted away by the notes from that box. This is grief, people. It cares not where or even who you are. It touches every aspect of your life. Alex’s loss is one of the best examples of grief in this game. It also goes to show that even the most confident, strong, and grounded people carry enormous pain that we may not see. One of Stardw Valley’s most beloved social aspects is romance. The game offers 12 eligible partners, six male, six female, plus one bonus shadow boy, and encourages the player to build relationships with all of them to see if you’d like to marry one and start a family. Of the bacheloretses, we have Leah, an independent artist who lives in a small cabin south of the player’s farm. One day, the player can enter Leah’s home to find her on the phone with her ex-boyfriend, Kel. It’s clear that Kel still has feelings for Leah and is desperately vying for her return to the city to be with him. She makes it known to him that he’s crossing a boundary and tells him not to call again. Afterward, Leah opens up about their relationship. They live together in a small apartment in the city. Leah worked odd jobs and pursued art in her free time. The two barely made ends meet. Kel was not supportive of Leah’s pursuit of art and pushed her to give it up in favor of a more lucrative career. She eventually had enough and left Kel, moving to Stardew Valley for a fresh start. Leah is an important example of Stardew’s grief. Like with George, we’re shown that grief can be more than just the loss of a loved one who has passed away. Anyone who has gone through the loss of a close relationship has also experienced grief. A partner is someone you inevitably end up building your life with and around. When that person is no longer serving that role in your life, that is a loss worth grieving. Though Leah is able to rationalize her decision and console herself, it’s clear that she still cares deeply for Kell. A part of her likely wishes things with him had worked out. A breakup at age 13, a divorce at age 30, or anything in between, it all comes with a side of grief. I know I keep pushing the boundary of how grief is defined, but the next two examples are pretty important. I feel it’s pertinent to highlight Stardw Valley’s demonstration of grief adjacent issues as well. Enter Kenton family, his wife Jodie, and two sons, Sam and Vincent. Kent is a unique character in that the player does not even meet him until the beginning of year 2. He’s a veteran of the military and spends the player’s first year in Stardew, serving overseas. I have to pause and admit that as a fellow veteran, I have a soft spot for Kent. I did three tours overseas during my time on active duty, and all that time away was not only hard on me, but on my family as well, especially my kids. I still grieve all that time I missed, especially now that I get no more time with my daughter in this life. Jod is sort of the classic military wife, strong, independent, and caring. She’s the anchor of the household and the glue that holds everyone together despite being without her partner much of the time. I admire that about her. That admiration is extended to Sam as well. Sam is often forced to serve as the man of the house when Kent is away, a responsibility that he willingly accepts. In one scene, the player can find Sam at the beach, watching over his little brother as he plays in the sand. Vincent approaches him and asks if Kent is ever coming home. Sam assures him that their dad will be home as soon as he can, but Vincent presses the issue, saying that he heard adults talking about other people getting killed in the line of duty. Sam again consoles the child, though it’s clear that he does not fully believe his own words. It’s heartbreaking for me to wonder if my own two children had a similar conversation when I was away. Like many veterans, Kent struggles to acclimate to civilian life upon his return. He spends much of his time alone by the river, presumably lost in thought, watching as the water flows by. Normally mundane things like making popcorn have become terrible triggers of his PTSD. Another burden of Kent that I understand all too well. The war has changed Kent. The old version of Kent’s life and his family’s entire dynamic is gone. That too is grief. Following the same vein, not one but two of Pelican Town’s residents struggle with substance abuse. I’ll start with Shane. Shane is the nephew of Marne, a friendly woman who sells the player livestock and related equipment. Suffering from depression and alcoholism, Shane has moved in with Marne and his godaughter Jas. Like George, Shane is rude when the player first meets him. He spends much of his time alone stocking shelves at Joja Mart or drinking at the saloon. Though no real root cause of Shane’s issue is ever conveyed to the player, it’s clear that he suffers from a severe lack of selfworth. He does a poor job of caring for himself, and his episodic drinking has terrible consequences on his family, including Jas. Shane eventually reaches rock bottom when the player finds him passed out in the forest near the cliff. Drunk and incoherent, Shane battles his demons and even considers ending his life. With the player’s intervention, he decides to go seek help instead. He eventually gives up drinking and attends therapy. I’ll say this right now. Not all stories end up like Shane’s. Take it from me. If any part of you is thinking about hurting yourself, stop this video and go get help. Please, this is your sign. Shane isn’t the only Valley resident with a drinking problem. There’s also Pam, another regular at the saloon that works as a bus driver. Pam is mother to Penny, a young woman who likes reading and works as a teacher. Where Shane’s hatred is directed at himself, Pam’s is directed outward. Penny lets us know that her father left when she was young. This broke Pam’s heart and drove her to drink. I told you the loss of a relationship is grief, too. Like with Shane’s family, Pam’s alcoholism does not just affect her. Penny is often forced to be the adult of the house and struggles to keep it clean and cared for. What’s more, Pam does not have the support that Shane gets from his aunt Marne. So, her and Penny are the only people in Stardew that live in a trailer as opposed to a real house. It’s especially heartbreaking to me as Penny is just so sweet. Bless Concerned Ape for giving us the option to build the two of them a proper home. This also helps Pam turn a corner with her life. If you know someone who is struggling with addiction, please set your judgment aside. Until you’ve gone through it yourself, you don’t really know what someone else is going through. Extend your hand to help if you can, but close your mouth if you seek to judge them. Sometimes we all just need a bit of help in life. I would be remiss if I didn’t talk about Leo in this video. Added in the 1.5 update of the game, Leo was a young boy who lives on the tropical Ginger Island. This late game area is only accessible to the player once they’ve completed the community center or all the Jojo bundles. Leo’s Tale is perhaps the most tragic of all I’ve covered in this video. Though he is a very young boy, he seemingly has no family. No parents or siblings live with him on the island. In fact, the other few adults that can be found on Ginger Island, Birdie, Professor Snail, and a handful of pirates, don’t even seem to be aware of the wild boy’s presence. When the player first meets Leo, he flees to his shelter in the jungle. He seems somewhat feral at first, squawking like a parrot when approached. After finding some golden walnuts and befriending his aven companion, Leo curiously approaches the player. Just like all the other characters in this game, we learn more about Leo as we build a relationship through talking and giftgiving. Leo cryptically tells us that his parents were swallowed by the sea and that he somehow survived where he fell under the care of the island’s parrots. He immediately retracts this story, however, exclaiming that the tale was a bad dream and that he was born on the island just like the rest of the birds. This may seem a bit cartoonish as the parallels to Leo and the Jungle Books Mowgli are uncanny, but the representation of trauma in this dialogue is actually quite profound. When you undergo a traumatic experience, your brain does all kinds of things to protect you. You become clumsy, lethargic, forgetful, and the memory of the event itself remains isolated and unprocessed. Though these can help you survive the immediate aftermath of a traumatic event, they do not serve your healing in the long run. Leo has become so dissonant that he literally believes he’s a bird, his mind has gone through tremendous lengths to protect him from the trauma of losing his parents. And though eventually he is able to process his trauma a bit and admit that he knows the truth of his origin, it goes without saying that the heavy hand of grief grasps at him too. As a trauma survivor, I implore you, please remember that anyone who has survived a traumatic event has literally had their brain changed because of it. They may become confused, combative, reclusive, stoic, lethargic, or even deny the event happened at all. Give these people extra grace. If you’re a trauma survivor yourself, consider undergoing specialized trauma therapy like EMDR. There is no panacea for trauma or grief, but getting the right therapy from the right provider can make a world of difference. I’m speaking from experience. So once again, I circle back to the main question of this video. Is Stardew Valley truly a game about grief? Not solely. But to me, the game clearly does not shy away from it, and that’s just as powerful. I know that Eric Baron didn’t set out to save the world when he was making this game, but there sure has been a lot of good to come from it. People don’t generally seek grief in games. In fact, I’d say they more often use it as a distraction from the harshness that life can bring. I’m certainly guilty of that. So, when a game like Stardew Valley comes along, one that is gentle, nurturing, fun, rewarding, and quietly weaves grief into its fabric, it’s truly an occasion to pause and pay reverence to. How concerned Ape was able to strike such a fine balance with this game, and whether he did so intentionally or not is beyond me, but I’m very grateful for it. On those really dark days, the days where the void in my heart left by my daughter’s absence is nearly too painful to bear, I sometimes pull her switch out from the sealed container I keep all of her precious belongings in. I don’t even touch it with my bare hands. I wear rubber gloves. I’ll sit on the floor and fire up Stardew Valley. I’ll walk around her farm, pick her crops, and pet her animals. For a brief moment, I can open up that time capsule and experience something she created while she was still here with me. And before the day ends and the game has the chance to save what I’ve done, I turn it off. The switch gets put away and I usually sit and cry for a while. This ritual, though extremely painful, is also wholesome and cathartic. It helps me heal one of the countless fractures in my old heart. I have wonderful memories of playing all kinds of games with my daughter, Kirby, Terraria, Mario, but Stardew Valley is perhaps the most special of them all. And even if what I’ve said about George, Alex, Kent, and the rest of the villagers isn’t enough to convince you that this game is about grief, maybe my story will. Thank you so much for watching. If you enjoyed this video and want to support the channel, click that subscribe button. It’s the best way to help me out and doesn’t cost you a penny. Leave a comment and tell me about how Stardew Valley has impacted you, or perhaps recommend another game you think I should check out. If you’d like to hang out and chat while I play games like Stardew Valley, join us Wednesdays and Sundays right here on YouTube for live streams. Thank you so much for your support. As always, please take care and remember to love yourself. [Music]

Stardew Valley is a beloved indie sensation, and one of my favorite games of all time. It’s especially sentimental to me as my late daughter and I spent many cherished hours playing it together. Nearly two years after her death, I’ve decided to pick it up and start playing it again, which got me to thinking, “Is Stardew Valley a game about grief?” Join me in a very special entry of the Gaming with Grief series as I explore Stardew Valley’s quiet nod to those who have suffered a loss.

0:00 Intro
5:39 Grandpa
6:49 George
9:00 Alex
11:14 Leah
12:56 Kent
15:04 Shane
16:16 Pam
17:31 Leo
20:07 Final Thoughts

Stardew Valley, including its original characters, story, artwork and music, is © ConcernedApe. Please support the official release.

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A portion of the song “Stardew Valley Overture” courtesy of DJ Cutman & Coffee Date.

Eric Barone photo courtesy of GQ

Krobus art courtesy of u/CarolisDamiArts | Reddit

Eric Barone Interview footage courtesy of Tigerbelly | YouTube

Sam 3 Heart Event footage courtesy of Sneaky Balue22 | YouTube

The Jungle Book ©1967 Disney

Brain Trauma art courtesy of DAME Magazine

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